My First Pedicure. Yikes.

This is an old story, but it's my mothers favorite... So I figured its good enough to be shared. No kidding- 7 years later, she still asks me to tell it to people occasionally.


I would guess there are maybe like 5 places in my hometown in TN who even offer manicures/pedicures, so it really wasn't any big deal to me that I'd never had a pedicure when I got to college. I knew it was a form of pampering though. So when basketball season ended my freshman year, my roommate and I decided that after all the blisters, ingrown toenails, & calacysts, (TMI?) we sure deserved a pedicure. And sure needed one too.

Ok so...  get the picture -never had a pedicure before, broke college kids... In a new city... Without anyone to recommend a nail salon. Too young to even think to ask someone to recommend a salon.

We got out the phone book. Oh yea, it was back in the day when phone books were still used, and looked up beauty schools. Smart us, we found the most frugal way to pamper ourselves possible. We didn't have anything to compare it to though, so we didn't care. Score, there was a career beauty college nearby!

We head out one saturday, pull up, and realize it was in fact a bit ghetto (Chattanooga people- it was in a strip mall in east brainard). We walked in and were immediately caught off guard by staring hair stylists and customers. I would imagine they didn't have white girls in there very often... We were def the only ones that day... And not to brag, but we make an entrance anywhere we go. I'm 6' tall, and my roommate 6'4. One of the stylists asked what we would like done, when we said a pedicure, she literally screamed for someone who emerged from some back room. He lead us through the salon, past the wig area, and into a space best described as a closet/work space. He then unfolds a metal chair, puts his utensils out on the table, bring a tub of NYC (99 cent a bottle) crusty nail polish for us to pick out a color... tells us very excitedly that we are his first ever pedicures, and then leaves to get the 'jacuzzi tub.'


Yea. My roommate and I look at each other and immediately start discussing how the hell we were going to get out of the barber shop without letting some dude rub and file our feet. She is sending out txts to people to try and get them to call with an emergency when he comes back in with a plug in the wall $20 foot jacuzzi tub that they sell at Walmart.


I was in the chair, and panicked to figure out how to get out of this horrific situation that was unfolding.

I did the only thing I could think of. 'Sir, how much is this?'

 He responded with something super cheap I'm sure. I can't remember now... Probably like $20 each. I then lied and told him, 'oh no, we were told they were only $5 here...'(Keep in mind -i had no idea pedicures are normally $5 a toe) 'We don't have enough money and will have to come back.' It was the only thing I could come up with that sounded halfway realistic or so I thought. This guy was so excited I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

It was like a domino effect. He was all, 'WHHAT?! Someone told you a pedicure was $5?! Who told you a pedicure was $5?! $5 pedicure... That's crazy. Etc etc etc... '

'HEY Y'ALL, SOMEONE TOLD DEZ GIRLS DA PEDICURE WAS $5!!!'

That was it. As we were exiting the broom closet at the back, walking past the wigs, and into the loooooong room of the chairs and hair dryers full of stylists and customers... The barber shop erupted into fits of 'ohhhh nooooo they didn't' 'girls who told you a pedicure was $5?' 'Ha a $5 pedicure... I can't believe that, can you believe that?' On and on and on and on.

I was mortified. After what seemed like 5 min of making excuses, trying not to turn bright red, and holding myself back from running to the exit.... We finally made out way to the door promising to come back with enough money.

Obviously we never returned to the foot bath, metal fold out chair, broom closet, and 3 year old nail polish to let that poor barber do his first beauty college pedicure.
Instead, we went to a nail place where I couldn't understand the Chinese lady and ended up with flowers painted on my big toes.

My first 'professional' pedicure was my only professional pedicure for a long while... I'm sure you understand why.

Online Dating & A Cross-Country Plane Ticket

It's hard to draw the line between being romantic and just being dumb.

I have a story about being dumb. It involves online dating, a plane ticket, & false advertising.

Let me preface this story with a short story. The only time I have flown anywhere to spend a weekend with a boy, 1. We had met 2 1/2 years earlier. 2. I was moving to FL, only 2 hours away from him & 3. We had been talking for years, had met up in Orlando once, and had discussed a relationship.

 So, I thought I was being romantic by visiting him for a weekend. After all, he had been offering to pay for half my ticket for a year or so & there was definite potential with him. This guy was physically like my dream man... Surfer boy, 6'6 with blond hair, a college wide receiver with washboard abs& a strong jawline. So I really shouldn't have been surprised by what happened, but unfortunately i was. This is getting pretty personal, but when I didn't sleep with him the first day, literally the first few hours of the first day, he was visibly not very happy. He was still nice and even took me on a sweet moonlit walk holding hands on the beach the 2nd night, but didn't touch me again and I never heard from him again after I landed back in TN. He even defriended me on Facebook. Not that i would have wanted to pursue something serious with him after that, but really?! After years of making effort to keep up with each other, & all the talk on his part about 'us' and the 'what ifs', that's what it boiled down to.  How romantic, right?  I was dumb, but now I know. Additionally, I dont think the length of time you take to get to know someone will make a difference when it actually comes down to making a relationship happen anymore...

So,
That brings me to my more recent cross country errr 'relationship.'

I have a girlfriend on match.com. I went with her on a date for moral support, & her date brought friends too. Um, her date was super attractive, had a great career, and a really nice guy. The total package. Obviously, I joined match.com the next week. Well, that experience deserves another blog post all of its own... & not necessarily a bad one mind you. But, I got quite a few random emails, a couple of good ones, plenty from older creepers, and then one day... I had an email from a girl.  Missed red flag #1.

I played women's basketball... Lesbians don't scare me. But, this was weird. So I opened it and it said, yada yada yada, 'I have a guy friend who is moving to Miami for his job, & he was looking through my profile, came across yours, & is totally smitten. He played professional baseball, is 32, 6', has a good career, & is a great guy. Can I set you guys up?'

Duh, I like tall athletic men with great careers who have normal seeming friends who try and help them out. So, I give her my email address to give him. A couple of days later I get a cute little email from my 'from match, but not really from match' guy

what ever happened to old fashion dating? haha - I hope my friend

Jamie had good things to say about me on match? haha

- Sometimes though a little help is needed. My name is Sammy

(*picture removed per Sammy's request -he found my blog?)

 Despite being a mirror pic, I thought he was cute. His emails were witty and made me laugh... So after we exchanged a few, he asked for my # & I passed it along. We had also became Facebook friends, and despite the fact that every picture of him was posted by him  (he can't be tagged by others), I still thought he was attractive. Red flag missed #2.

So, we exchange texts and he kept mentioning how he can't wait to meet me, etc etc. I would just say, well I'm sure ill have a layover in LA soon (He lives in LA). After a couple of months of texts every few days or so... I still hadn't had a layover. He becomes a little more forward and asked if it would be ok if he flies out to meet me, that 'he doesn't want one of the online dudes to sweep me off my feet before he gets a chance to.' How can a girl say no to that, haha... I told him if he wanted to book a flight, and a hotel for at least the first night, then he could fly down... Sure. I was pretty flattered, & even a little excited to meet this guy. A couple of days later he told me he booked his flight. We talked on the phone, he seemed normal, his Facebook pictures were fun, his texts cute and witty. The only part I was kinda confused over was how he kept talking about having a fiesta, (missed red flag #3), like multiple times he mentioned it. I totally didn't get it, and one time he casually mentioned he was Mexican. Ok whatever, a 6' athletic super cute Mexican. I'm not racist, I was just confused mainly because he didn't look Mexican at all & he kept talking about props for a fiesta theme party.

Seriously... he text me this pic among others of fiesta props?

 He even forewarned me that he just knew we were going to hit it  off bc he had stalked me on facebook,and liked what he saw. Missed red flag #4.  He also asked if I would be ready for a relationship if he fell hard for me. So all this time I'm very leery, but kinda excited about the possibility of romance.

Let me just cut to the chase. He last min came in a day early to visit his company's office in Miami, so by the time he drove to Fort Lauderdale to meet me the next day, I was on the beach with 2 girlfriends. Thank God. This man walks up and I know I was whispering under my breath, 'that's not him... There is no way that's him.' My 6' ex pro baseball player walked very feminine and well, he was Mexican. I'm not racist at all. But, he absolutely did not look the same in person compared to ANY of his pictures... Bright Red & unable to miss FLAGS 5-8. But, whatever... He was there, & I was still going to give it a shot. Until he opened his mouth. He talked super, I mean super feminine. Or maybe it was what he was saying that left that impression. He volunteered that he 'woke up at his hotel and did sunrise yoga, then had a spa day with a mud bath.' My 2 girlfriends who met him swear they think he was gay.


The flag was then thrown. I am gonna go ahead and put this in writing. I will never date a man who wakes up and does sunrise yoga followed by a spa day and mud bath all by himself. I like a manly man. Period.

Yes I am a bitch and I took a candid of him.

(*picture removed per Sammy's request -he found my blog?

And that's when I knew it was over before it began. I entertained him though and we were nice, but when he asked about booking the boat tour we had discussed and a couple of other things, I just told him we would figure it out. And I reiterated the fact that he was a stranger essentially and I still wasn't sure I was comfortable with him staying at my house when he asked about crashing on my couch again. Generally speaking, i found him weird, and my friends were already coming up with excuses for me to get rid of him before i even asked. So, he left the beach and had to drive back to Miami for dinner with people from his office there. I sent a text and told him that I thought it was rude to have such misleading pictures, he couldn't stay at my house because I could picture waking up to him staring at me in the middle of the night, and that I really questioned if he liked men.

Jk. ;)  I apologized for possibly ruining his weekend, told him that it was nice to meet him, but that it really just wasn't there for me. I never heard another word from him. I took a chance, but it certainly didn't result in romance of any sort. I really am fairly convinced that if I would have let him stay at my house I may have woken up with him watching me sleep or something.  He was not just 'LA guy' different, he was weird.

A few days later,  that girlfriend that's on match who also happened to have met Sam, called me to tell me that she thought he had 'liked' one of her pictures on there. Apparently HE was on there too?! The more I thought about the entire situation, the more irritated it made me. For multiple reasons...

1. I later realized he wore sunglasses in most of his photos and if he didn't, it was edited. Fact... This is false advertising, & for a good reason.

2. He did not, in fact, technically play major league baseball, he played AA baseball. Close, but not quite... and not that it matters really, but it's again false advertising. He said he had played for Tampa Bay.

3. The fact that he was going to use me to stay for free while he met potential coworkers/explored his potential new city with me as a chauffeur .

4. The simple fact that I almost wasted a very rare weekend off in town entertaining him, well and that I missed/ignored 1297 red flags.

5. Let me be egotistical for a minute. The fact that he thought he had a chance.

6. Maybe the biggest reason.... he had a spa day... By himself. And bragged to 3 girls about it. Then has to tell us, umm I'm not gay. Fact: I will never date a gay that goes to the spa more than me. Or half as much as me. Or ever, without me?

7.  He was on match.com? Maybe after he had his friend email me, but the fact is... it's questionable.

8. The fact that once again, I was trying to entertain a romantic thought, & ended up just being dumb. BUT, you never know until you try! One of these days I wont be writing a funny blog about a bad experience.

By the way. I cancelled my match.com subscription last week.

The Happiest Place on Earth... Costa Rica

I am sure everyone has one trip that comes to mind when asked about your best vacation ever, or favorite place you have ever been.

Well, in my line of work that question comes up basically daily.

That leads to this post... I meant to write about my trip when I first returned, but things happens and somehow I never got around to it. I think it'll be even better now though. After going on multiple other trips to awesome places, I realize just how magical my Costa Rica trip was. I don't know if I could ever portray how alive I felt on this trip, or the awe that us 5 girls continually had....  but I'm thinking playing it out like a picture book might be my best try at it.


It's funny, because as the trip and itinerary planner, I have been asked how I picked Montezuma, Costa Rica to visit. I don't have an answer...  As with everything flight attendants do, it came together last minute... within like 2 weeks. I didn't even know where to start searching, and just googled where in costs rica had 3 things: waterfalls, zip lining, and beach.  Montezuma came up quite a few times so I started looking into it.  Found a few lodges, B & B's, many hostels, and 1 resort.  I booked a hotel/lodge at Amor de Mar, and they helped book transportation from San Jose which is a few hours away.



We took off on the adventure with 4 girls... which ended up being 5 when Samantha made a surprise appearance in San Jose.  Most of us didn't know at least 1 or 2 of the others in the group, but we quickly established friendships.   I wont bore you with every detail of the trip, but do want to skim the experiences that we had.

We had quite a few adventures...

-walking up interstate off ramps in downtown San Jose... 

-Samantha's 2 am arm numbing spider bite scare, when we realized we literally were in the middle of no where, and no Doctor could make it to see her within like 2 hours.

-Catching the public bus back to San Jose ( a 6 hour trip, ferry transfer included) not knowing any Spanish or where the heck we were until we pulled up to the airport, & by the grace of God were awake and watching. 

-Corals accidental nudist moment on the rope swing in front of the zip line crew,

-our much anticipated run in with the monkeys on a walk home... who ended up throwing mangoes at us. No seriously, monkeys in the wild = rude. 

- picking wild bananas in Costa Rica was an epic fail, as they are sticky as hell and taste really bad (thank you Shenna for taking one for the team and trying it first).

-Zip lining through the rainforest and over the Montezuma waterfalls... and a stop to cool off in the falls...



The TOP of the jungle, overlooking the Gulf of Nicoya coastline

-Of course we did the longest line upside down...  It was unbelievable! Apparently I missed the instructions that you are supposed to raise up before you get to the platform though. Luckily the platform is farther from the line than I was tall.

                         

-The ride through San Jose traffic and then the ferry ride/booze cruise. We may be the only people to have packed mimosas just for the 1.5 hr ferry ride to the peninsula, but we had a great time...

-The hotel itself deserves a few words.  It was unbelievably beautiful and quaint, and authentic, and organic, and has so much personality. We got to know the employees, made friends with other guests, and thoroughly enjoyed the organic breakfast and smoothies every morning.

Picture it with me...  All of these views, from dozens of hammocks thrown up in the back of the hotel.  If that isn't convincing enough,  there is a natural tide pool we swam in everyday that is heated by the sun during the day.  Still not convinced? The waterfalls trickle into the stream beside the hotel, and I swear laying in it and letting the cool water go by and then exfoliating with the tiny rocks was more relaxing that any spa visit I've had.

-Ok, enough with the relaxation talk for now.  I feel like it is time to introduce Chicos bar.  You must understand that this is a one dirt road town...

....and everything can be reached by foot.  Obviously that means there isn't much to the town... a few little restaurant that I wont even mention because that's another blog post entirely.  The food was to die for, prices unbelievably cheap, and both places we went to for dinner were located on the beach... literally, candle lit and toes in the sand.  But, back on track... there are a couple of tour guide places, one convenience store, and Chicos.  The only bar in town. 

How she kept up with those coffee beans all night, I'll never know...

 If the locals were not aware that there were Flight attendants from FL in town... The next day they were.  By then we had an invitation passed along through another hotel guest for surf lessons, and the bar knew exactly what to pour us when we arrived the next night.  Which brings me to...

REGGAE NIGHT. 

Every Thursday night...  reggae night at Chicos start is signaled by the fire dancers.  A few glasses of wine in, and we were in complete awe.  Coral even tried to learn...

 



-We made so many friends that night.  And really discovered that people lived in little Montezuma from literally all over the world.  I give most of this credit to Shenna, for being a dancing social butterfly and pulling anyone and everyone watching us have the time of our life out on the dance floor too.

-At Chicos we realized that we needed to track down this surf instructor who wanted to give us lessons.  Shenna went to the bartender to ask if he knew Mauricio, and he pointed 2 stools down and said sure do, that's him.  Score.  A dance partner, and surf lessons set up for the AM.

-The next morning was not pretty. By the time we woke up, we had maybe 30 min to pack up, eat breakfast, check out, and head out for surf lessons.  30 minutes is not long enough to cure a tequila hangover.  Another thing that sure doesn't help... an unexpected 45 minute walk/hike to the beach we would learn to surf at.

to

 

We walked through light and grainy sand beaches...







To trails through the middle of the jungle...


              to beaches where you sink a foot into the dark sand...

   

 To beaches of multi-colored smooth rocks and a reddish sand... 



















Up mountainsides of jagged rocks... barefoot


Straight to a beach of driftwood, or one of completely unbroken seashells. 

-We walked... and walked... and walked it seemed.  Please keep in mind.  Tequila, early morning, exhausting trip, plus a very hot sun beating down on you...   And yet, it was one of the most unique things I've ever experienced.  Just the miserable walk alone... I've never seen such variety of side by side beaches, different just from weaving in and out of the jungle.

-Finnnnalllly we make it to the beach shack that holds the surf boards...   Surfs up dude.  Almost.  I will admit,  after watching all the other girls pop up on most of their first try... I was pretty convinced that as a D1 athlete, I was going to do the exact same thing.

Surfing is much harder than they made it look.   I think I drank maybe 3x more saltwater, and was by far the least graceful one.... but dang it, I got up and rode a couple of waves before I retired.

Then we hustled back to the hotel, threw on clothes, and ran to the bus stop to catch our red-eye home.  

A phrase widely used there, that as a TN girl I was completely new to: 

Pura Vida (POO-rah VEE-dah), used by Costa Ricans since 1956, literally translated means “Pure Life.” Contextually, it means “Full of Life” “Purified life”, “This is living!”, “Going great!” It is used as a greeting, a farewell, and to express satisfaction. The phrase has become widely known in the USA and Europe. Some foreigners view the phrase as an expression of a leisurely lifestyle, of disregard for time and wanton friendliness. However, Costa Ricans use the phrase to express a philosophy of strong community, perseverance, good spirits, enjoying life slowly, celebrating good fortune, whether small or large.”



I have to say, I totally get it now... OK, maybe not totally... but I don't think the beautiful woman walking down the street with half her head shaved, (that turned out to be our Argentinian waitress), is crazy in the slightest for visiting Montezuma and just never going home.  Or Lucas, our waiter the second night... or probably 25% of the people we met.  They came for vacation and never left.  It's tempting.   No worries... no hustle at the work place... no honking horns of impatient people.  No stress about owning, well... anything. Material items probably mean that you get judged... not the other way around.  Simple.  Back to the basics.  Enjoying life and what mother nature put in front of you, and surrounding yourself with like-minded people.  I wish we had had more time to just lay in the hammocks and read a book, or get to talk to the staff or locals more,  but as you can tell...  We crammed about as many experiences as we could into 2 days.  I made some best friends that trip as well, girls I have no doubt will be in my life forever.  I would guess, a vacation like this wouldn't be appreciated by everyone.

Still, part of me wanted to keep this secret gem to myself.  I'm sure there are locations like this all over the world... and while I can't wait to find more,  Montezuma will always be special to me.  It was the first place I really felt part of a much bigger world that I truly am clueless about.  Sometimes North Americans are egotistical in thinking we are 'the best country'...  and well, the locals didn't like us too much until they got to know us.  They certainly didn't appreciate us saying we were Americans, as they are too...  just central American.  I didn't get it until that visit.   But, with my eyes a little more open now, and after visiting 'The happiest country in the world', I can't wait to venture to the next remote corner of the globe.... or I would be just fine going back to Montezuma.

If.... you want to go:

http://www.amordemar.com/  -I can promise they will remember the flight attendant girls...

http://www.montezumaexpeditions.com/

http://www.hightidesurfschool.webgarden.com/   -We were later informed Mauricio is widely known as the best instructor on the pacific side...



St Thomas USVI Wedding Crashers...

Adventure certainly finds you when you least expect it... 

It's been a truly exhausting past couple of months full of amazing traveling and vacations.  I can literally count on both hands the # of times I have slept in my own bed.  Buttttt, regardless of fatigue, when you have a opportunity to go to St Thomas for a free stay that just happens to fall on your birthday... You go... 

A girlfriends family has a timeshare, on the beach, at the Ritz.

 So, another flight attendant and I flew down. Getting there in itself started the adventurous day. We didn't make our own airlines flight directly there, we missed it by a connecting couple that ran up with 1 minute to spare.  But, the gate next to us happened to be going to San Juan, Puerto Rico, & we knew it was at least closer to our final destination... So we ran over and hopped on last minute. Very last minute... We didn't know how we were getting to St Thomas from there, but sometimes you just gotta hop on a plane and see what happens ;).   Luck would have it the flight attendants working that flight were from my training class and one was even from San Juan. She was able to pass along info about a small airline that we have an agreement to fly free with I had never heard of. Cape air. They ended up being our saving grace in the form of a 9 seater old as dirt airplane.  I should also thank the family of 5 that didn't show up for the flight. At $450 a ticket (we later looked this up) for a 30 min flight, I almost feel bad for saying that.  The flight over the ocean and islands at probably 5,000' was a first for us, and actually pretty cool. 

So, we arrive and change clothes in the teeee-niny airport bathroom, slap on a bit more mascara and call ourselves ready for a low key dinner and early night in bed.  The dinner part ended up being true to the plan.  We walked up to the restaurant at the Ritz, and along with my girlfriends parents, ended up finding space at the bar for dinner.

That is where we met Corona, the bartender. The name isn't made up for ironic effect btw.. it really was his last name.  He informed us he gets $500 a night to spend on pretty girls however he deemed fit. Well for us it was tuna tartare, and a few drinks... Each.  So, a long while later we decide we should take the restaurant manager and Corona up on the invite to go out with the locals on a Sat night... Convinced that it was the best day for a bday celebration of course. We left the restaurant to walk home and finally change clothes, mainly because a button had popped off a dress in an obvious place, when we met the very pretty woman in the red dress... Janice maybe? I can't remember. Later to be referred to as the lady with marriage 'arrangements' who salsa danced to every song like she was on crack.  Janice was being driven on a golf cart. We inquired how one gets a golf cart ride, as our condo was a long walk. Friendly or cracked out Janice told us to just hop on with her, and when we do, she tells us we should just come with her to a wedding reception.

Our post-wedding golf cart ride with our bff Delroy

Our initial reaction was no way,  we got ready in an airport bathroom, have casual dresses on, and well... We. don't. know. you.  Then she mentioned the magic word.  Boys. Us being 3 single mid-20 something's, reconsidered and after a bit of coaxing from red dress woman about how it's super casual, the wedding has been going all day, and we will fit in perfectly,  decided why the hell not. 

The beautiful cracked out lady lied. On 2 different subjects. 1st off, this was nooooooooot a casual wedding reception. Reminder... It was at the Ritz. The other women were In sequined long gowns, and the bride was nothing short of 35% plastic and had on a lace backless partially see through wedding dress that showed side-boob, under-boob, cleavage, and they were very very perky DD's at least. I should mention she was probably 40-45? It was very difficult to tell.  Regardless, we walk in, the 40 or so done up invited guests that are lounging on the white sofas all turn and look, and there we are... perfect strangers in our sundresses standing with crazy red dress woman.  2nd off, we then realize there are maybe 2 men our age. The grooms nephew and someone else.  They did approach and told us to help ourselves to the top shelf open bar and then after a couple of minutes are gone. 

I don't know what normal people would do, but in the golf cart the red dress woman had mentioned that they needed people to liven the party up some, that the wedding had lasted all day. So, after the initial shock of how out of place we were, Allison immediately headed straight to the DJ booth to make song requests, and Coral and I start making friends and dancing. One in particular walked straight up to me and handed me a shot of Patron, I knew we were going to get along... and we did.  She hung out with us all night.

At some point the groom shows up to his own reception. Again, I'm not a good judge of plastic faces, but he was at least 60+.  Very friendly, and very open with the bridal party. Again, I'm making myself at home dancing with everyone, and I hear him tell a bridesmaid that it's about time she gets her boobs redone. Well, my mouth probably dropped open, but she simply agreed with him and then pulled her strapless dress down for all to see and judge. I had to walk away... If you know me, you know I have 0 control over my facial expressions. 

We stayed for a couple of hours I guess, and by the end of it we put pieces of our convos with the guests together, & realized we had just crashed a multi millionaires wedding... Everyone who attended had been flown down in private jets.  By the time we left, we had made friends, one of us got caught trying to take the bridal bouquet and tiara... Yes I said tiara- it was with innocent intentions for a simple photo op, we danced a lot (some of us with the bartenders/servers... Ahem), and in the end... felt very well liked at a plastic millionaire couples wedding in St Thomas. 

 If only the night had ended there, haha.